Olivia the Woodland Elf-fairy

Olivia Elf is one of our best cookie bakers.  She mixes and rolls and bakes to perfection.  She has an alarming amount of sprinkles and can create the perfect cookie for Santa and the other elves for any occasion at the North Pole.  The only teeny, tiny problem is that Olivia doesn't really want to be here at the North Pole.

At all.

You see, Olivia is an avid reader and she once read a book about woodland fairies and she just has it in her head that she wants to be a woodland fairy, too.  However it is very hard to be a woodland fairy when there are no woodlands for frolicking about. Olivia tried prancing amongst the potted cocoa bean trees we keep in the garden nursery.  She also tried zipping through the Christmas tree farm at the outer edge of the North Pole.  It just isn't the same for her.

Truthfully, Olivia would make a terrific Woodland Fairy.  Her feet are awfully small for an elf and she has brown hair and lovely hazel eyes.  Perfect for blending in to the woodland setting.  Olivia also dances gracefully and could dart poetically from tree to tree. One tiny....okay, huge problem remains.  Olivia can't fly like the Woodland Fairies can.  So, until she sprouts some wings or finds some alternative means of aerial transportation, Olivia is an elf.  A ground hovering, pointy toed, snowbound elf.  So, to demonstrate her displeasure at being at the North Pole, Olivia is on a strike of sorts.  Olivia only makes sugar cookies in the shapes of trees.  She is hoping that one day we will send her to the Woods and she will find some magical wings and she will join her deciduous friends.    Until then, please enjoy her tree sugar cookies.  We are ready for another shape, so please help yourself to as many as you would care to eat.

Sugar Cookies

4 cups all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 sticks butter
2/3 cup shortening
1 1/2 cups sugar
2 eggs
2 tablespoons milk
2 teaspoons vanilla extract

Stir together flour, baking powder and salt.  In another bowl, beat butter and shortening together.  Add sugar and beat until fluffy.  Add eggs, milk and vanilla: beat well.  Add dry ingredients to beaten mixture, mixing until well combined.  Cover and chill 4 hours or overnight.  Roll on a lightly floured surface to 1/8 inch thickness.  Cut into tree shapes.  Bake at 375 for 8 minutes or until the edges are golden brown.  Allow to cool.  Frost.

Butter Frosting

1 1/2 sticks butter, softened
8 cups powdered sugar
1/3 cup milk
2 teaspoons vanilla
food coloring

Mix all ingredients together except food coloring.  Add more milk if necessary to make a smooth spreading or piping consistency.  Tint with food coloring.  Decorate cookies.

Strawberry Kisses

Riding into the North Pole on his trusty reindeer, the Kissing Bandit Elf both terrorized and delighted the town.  His enigmatic presence was a welcome diversion for all the single ladies and a pain in the neck for all the single guys.  With a pocket full of flavored Chapstick, Ethan Elf was prepared to meet any osculatory need. A cherry kiss on the cheek?  You betcha!  A minty peck on the nose?  No problem!  A strawberry smooch on the lips?  Coming right up!

Ethan Elf takes his job pretty seriously at the North Pole.  He has always been an equal opportunity kisser, although after last week and the Big Beulah Elf incident, his kissing rampages may be tempered a bit.   Big Beulah is a rather large elf who works in my North Pole Kitchens.  I first assigned her to make pastries and breads but after a few weeks and a few samples too many, I noticed that Beulah was putting on even more weight.  I moved her to the salad division.  She looks a little leaner but let’s just say that a salad consisting of 3 pieces of lettuce laden with cheese, bacon bits, olive oil and garlic croutons with a generous pouring of salad dressing isn’t exactly a lower calorie replacement for her earlier snacking.

On the day of the Big Beulah Elf Incident, the ladies in the kitchen were excited because Lydia Elf had seen a trail of used Chapstick tubes leading right to the kitchen door.  The Kissing Bandit Elf must be near.  Upon hearing the news, Beulah pushed herself to the front of the room and got out her own tube of chapped lip relief.  She slathered it on and waited impatiently at the door.  Soon, we all heard a noise outside.   Beulah threw open the door and planted a big one on poor Ethan Elf.  He didn’t see it coming and he was now hopelessly trapped in the sticky embrace of Beulah.  Perhaps it was the combination of Chapsticks or just the mere size of Beulah and her mighty lips, but Ethan Elf could not escape her grasp.  He turned a vibrant shade of blue, then purple and then finally lurched free from her smothering kiss.  He turned and ran out the door and took off down the lane gasping for clean, fresh air as he went. 

Ethan is a little more careful in his kissing jaunts.  He tends to stake out the place before he enters these days.  And Beulah has worn a rapturous expression ever since her exuberant encounter.  She asked to be transferred back to the pastry division so she could make these cookies to help commemorate her fabulous encounter with Ethan the Kissing Bandit Elf.

Strawberry Kisses

½ cup butter

1 cup sugar

1 egg

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

2 cups all-purpose flour

1 teaspoon baking powder

½ cup strawberry preserves

1 cup chopped pecans

Mix together butter and sugar; add egg and vanilla.  Beat well.  In another bowl, sift together flour and baking powder; add to egg mixture.  Roll out dough on a lightly floured surface into a 10 X 14-inch rectangle.  Spread preserves over dough and sprinkle nuts over preserves.  Beginning with the long side, roll cookie dough.  Chill for 3 hours.   To bake, preheat oven to 375 degrees.  Grease a cookie sheet.  Slice the dough into ¼ inch slices and place on cookie sheet.  Bake for 10-12 minutes.  Take cookies from oven and remove from cookie sheet immediately to cool on wire racks. 

The North Pole Pneumatic Express and Gingerbread Fellas

The North Pole is a real place with real people and a real pole. 

The South Pole is a real place with real people and a real pole. 

What you probably don’t know is that the North Pole and the South Pole are actually one pole.  Yes, one really long pole that stretches through the earth and comes out on each end.  Like a giant corn on the cob with two handles. 

The best part about this pole is that it isn’t solid. It’s a pneumatic pole.  You know how when you go to the bank and pull up to the teller but you aren’t in the sleighdoor bashing side of the teller window, instead,  you are in the third lane over with the little sucky tube for  your money?  That is the same idea as the North and South Pole.  What is different, however, is that the capsules are really large and elves can transport in the capsules between the North and South Pole. 

The two trusty conductors of the North Pole Pneumatic Express are Sean and Thomas (or Thomas and Sean as Thomas likes to say.) They are the real engineers on this zippy mode of transportation.  They load at one end and unload at the other.  Traversing through the earth in the heat resistant capsules is fun.  There are video monitors, complimentary beverages, and pretend control buttons so you think you are guiding the tube. Everyone knows the buttons are just for show but they are fun to press, nonetheless. 

Transporting is safe except for one temporary side effect.  You get stretched a bit.  Just a bit, mind you, but you do come out a little taller after being swooshed through 12,715 kilometers (that’s 7,901 miles for you Americans).  Fortunately, the trip is a little shorter through the poles than through the equator, but it is long enough to add a little height.

 The problem is that sometimes there aren’t many customers on the North Pole Pneumatic Express and Sean and Thomas do what any employer at a Six Flags would do.  They ride over and over.  No hands, upside down, in bathing suits with arm floaties, racing each other—these are but a few of the ways they amuse themselves on a slow day at work.  So as you can imagine, Thomas and Sean are really tall elves.  They never give themselves time to shrink back to size before they catch another joy ride. 

So, when you come to the North Pole, and I hope you do sometime, you will recognize Sean and Thomas right away. Just look for two tall blonde elves in uniforms with a competitive glint in their eyes.  You can’t miss them.

Gingerbread Fellas

5 cups all-purpose flour

1 ½ teaspoons baking soda

½ teaspoon salt

2 teaspoons ground  ginger

1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1 teaspoon ground cloves

½ cup butter

½ cup shortening

1 cup sugar

1 egg

1 cup molasses

1 tablespoon vinegar

In a medium sized bowl, mix together flour, baking soda, salt, and spices.  In a large mixing bowl, beat together butter, shortening, and sugar.  Add egg, molasses and vinegar, beat well.  Add dry ingredients to butter mixture.  Chill 3 hours.  Preheat oven to 375 degrees and grease cookie sheets.  Roll out ½ of dough on a lightly floured surface.  Cut with cookie cutters and place on greased cookie sheets.  Bake 6 minutes at 375 degrees.  Remove from oven and cool on cookie sheet one minute and then remove cookies to wire rack to cool.  Decorate with royal icing.

Sidecar Sugar Cookies

Kimberly Elf is busy.  Her time is scheduled far in advance.  Kim is the official photographer for the North Pole.  Her photo sittings are magical, her sports photography is divine, and her candids are delicious. This year’s  Eligible Elves of the Far North calendar was sold out in advance and she had to invent a month to accommodate all of the elves who want to be featured.

It seems that my Sylvie, I mean Sylvester the famous Iron-Elf champion, (can’t let him know I’m interested, so my mom says) was determined to be on the cover and have his very own month. He also wanted to pose with his trophy on a leopard rug.  Kim, who for some unfathomable reason seems to be resistant to his charms, refused to give him that much coverage or uncoverage as the case may be.

“Sorry, Sport,” she argued.  “You’re not the only seal in the Arctic.  You can have November.  Take it or leave it.”  She drove a hard bargain. 

“You’ll be sorry,” he fumed.

“Not as sorry as you’ll be when you get frostbite.  Now, go find some leaves from the prop room and come back in your time slot on my schedule.  See?”  She pointed to a poster on the wall full of appointments. “Your time is next Thursday from 8:00 to 2:00.  Don’t be late or I’ll give you July instead of November and you know what that means.”

He knew, all right.  Vacation time was in July and everyone put happy red slashes across the calendar. No one would be home to look at his glorious picture on the wall. With that threat, Sylvester grabbed his trophy and skulked out the door.  He would return next Thursday humbly with pointy “hat in hand” and ready to work.

So you can see that Kim is a busy elf and unfortunately for me, she never has time to sit and enjoy a good cup of tea and a cookie.  Each day in the North Pole Tea Room adjacent the North Pole Kitchens and Bake Shoppe, I serve a featured cookie and a hot drink.  When you see snow and ice 365 days a year you gotta have some variety now and then!  So, today’s cookie is in honor of Kimberly Elf and her on-the-go lifestyle.  I made sidecar cookies for busy elves on the go. The cookies hook on the side of a cup so Kim can get back to work fast and still enjoy a sweet treat in her jam packed day.

Sidecar Sugar Cookies

4 cups all-purpose flour

1 T baking powder

½ teaspoon salt

¾ cup butter (1 ½ sticks)

2/3 cup shortening

1 ½ cups sugar

2 eggs

2 tablespoons milk

2 teaspoons vanilla extract

Stir together the flour, baking soda and salt; set aside.  In a large mixing bowl, beat together the butter, shortening, and sugar.  Add eggs, milk, and vanilla.  Gradually add the flour mixture.  Refrigerate dough 1 hour.  When chilled, roll half of the dough on a floured surface.  Cut with cookie cutters and re roll the scraps.  Bake at 375 degrees for 8-10 minutes depending upon the thickness.  Immediately upon removing from the oven, use a sharp knife to cut a small rectangular notch in the left side of each cookie.  Allow to cool completely.  Decorate with royal icing.

Elf Olympic Curling and Chewy Chocolate Cookies

Sherri Elf is a Canadian beauty and a 2-time Elf Olympic curling champion.  She is the Skip of the North Pole team and responsible for calling the play and directing the strategy. Her decisiveness got her the job of skip and, ironically, got me the job as head of the North Pole Kitchens and Bake Shoppe.  Let me explain.

In last year’s Olympics there was an exciting semi-final match between the team from the North Pole and the fierce competitors from Nova Scotia.  Sherri was particularly invested in this match because she used to share a training camp with this team when she lived in Canada. These were some ruthless curlers whose brooms were swift and mighty.   Sherri wasn’t going down without a fight.

In this Olympic match the players were on their 10^th and final end.  The championship was at stake and the victor was soon to be waving flowers and crying during their anthem.  Team North Pole had just slid their seventh rock and it made an impressive stop near the button.  And then disaster struck.  Danni, one of the sweepers for the North Pole, picked up the last and final stone, the hammer stone, to give it a quick look. 

“Put it down!” Sherri cried out, but it was too late.

CRACK! The heavy stone crashed to the floor and was now scattered in pieces on the ice.  The startled competitors looked around the arena.  Their gaze was met with equally stunned looks from the fans.  The Nova Scotia team, however was elated.  They had one last stone to slide and it was resting safely on the pebbly ice.  You could faintly hear them humming their anthem in anticipation. 

Then, Sherri had a brilliant idea.  While Nova Scotia was delivering their last stone, Sherri ran to the refreshment table in the training room and returned with a chocolate marble bundt cake.  At that time I was not the head of the North Pole Kitchens and the baker in charge, Grindle Elf, was not particularly skilled with an oven.  He was better at stews and soups and had been on the job so long that no one was quite sure how he got the job in the first place. He was a prickly old elf and didn’t take criticism well, constructive or otherwise.

The chocolate marble bundt cake, hard and heavy as a curling stone, was perfect for claiming the victory in the Elf Olympics.  It smacked right into the Nova Scotia’s guard rock and landed squarely on the button.  The crowd erupted in cheers and the sweepers began a reverse sweep to clean up the crumbs.

Old Grindle Elf stomped his little green booted foot and huffed,  “I quit!” 

Alas, the search began for a new head elf for the kitchen and I was selected after a grueling baking demonstration and tryout. Santa placed Sherri on the interview committee and requested that she slide each baker’s bundt cake down the ice.  If it made it to the end in one piece, that baker was eliminated from the interview process.  To this day, Sherri is a kitchen consultant. She loves all things chocolate and has personally tested each and every recipe for taste and for use as sporting equipment.  Sherri has declared these cookies, Chocolate Nut Chews,  a winner in both categories.  They taste great and cannot be used as hockey pucks.  Thanks, I think.

Chewy Chocolate Cookies

1 1/4 cup butter (2 and 1/2 sticks butter)
2 cups granulated sugar
2 eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 cups all purpose flour
3/4 cup cocoa
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup coarsely chopped pecans

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Cream together butter and sugar; add eggs and vanilla.  In a small bowl mix together flour, cocoa, baking soda and salt;  add to creamed mixture.  Stir in pecans.  Drop by mounded tablespoonfuls onto greased cookies sheet.  Bake 8-10 minutes.  Do not overbake.  Allow to cool on cookie sheet 2 minutes and then transfer to cooling racks. Dust with powdered sugar. Yield: 4 dozen.

Elfies and Apricot Almond Crescents

Who let  you in here?  Did Inka invite you?  Did Casmo smuggle you in here?  I know, it was Pinda!  You need to hide better than that or Santa will have the guard elves escort you out faster than a bobsled on a polar bear slide.  I think I know why you are here, though.  It would be hard to stay away.   Tonight is the most exciting night of all at the North Pole.  It's the 2010 annual  Elfie Awards.   (Elves Lauding Fabulous and Illustrious Ears).  Everyone knows that Elf ears get pointier and pointier the harder they work.  Baby elf ears start out with round tops like human ears but as the elf grows and works hard at his job, you will see perfectly pointy tympanic organs.  Lazy elf ears just stay round like baby elf ears. But hey, if you want to see some perfect specimens, look at mine! 

Why are you looking at me like that?  So I added a little ear gel to make mine point a bit more.  Everybody does it. Okay, and I added some Dr. Lazlo's sparkle dust to the points.  I refuse to be seen on the cover of ELF magazine in their Stars Without Makeup issue again.  That's right, I said star.  I've been awarded the title of  Elf Supreme for three years running.  If I win again tonight I will set a new record and be crowned Grande Supreme Elf.  Sort of like Toddlers and Tiaras but with less tantrums and more rhinestones, if that's possible. 

You are still looking at me strangely.  Did you think that Christmas was the big night around here?  That's a good one.  By the time December 25th rolls around we are done, finito, finished.  That's Santa's big night along with his Chief Elf and of course, the reindeer.  You don't know much about the North Pole, do you?  Well, I'll be happy to fill you in and tell you all about it.  Now, go hide and wait for the awards. Have some cookies.  I've got to find my Bedazzler. 

Elfies

Elfies are cookies that are served at the awards ceremony.  The first kind of cookie served is the Lazy Elf Cookie.  It serves as a reminder to work hard during toy season and not be lazy.  Who wants round ears?   The second kind of cookie is the Fabulous and Illustrious Ear Cookie.  They are long and pointy and oh so good.  We only get them one time a year at the ceremony so we eat lots and lots of them.  Better make a double batch for yourself, too. 

Lazy Elf Ears

1   6-ounce package dried apricots

2 ounce block almond bark coating

2 tablespoons chopped walnuts

Melt chocolate in the microwave for 60 seconds.  Dip half of each dried apricot into the coating and then into the chopped walnuts.  Place on a sheet of parchment paper or waxed paper to set.  Yield: 20 ears.

Fabulous and Illustrious Ear Cookies

(Apricot Almond Crescents)

2 sticks (1 cup) butter

2 cups all-purpose flour

1 egg yolk, beaten

1/2 cup sour cream

1/2 cup apricot jam

1/2 cup flaked coconut

1/2 cup sliced almonds

Sugar

Cut butter into flour with a pastry blender or two knives until mixture resembles coarse meal. Combine egg yolk and  sour cream; stir into flour mixture. Do not use a mixer.  Divide and shape dough into 4 balls. Cover dough and chill for 3 hours or overnight.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. On a generously floured surface, roll out one portion of the dough into a 10-inch circle. Keep remaining portions chilled until needed.  Spread 2 tablespoons apricot jam on each circle then sprinkle with 2 tablespoons coconut and 2 tablespoons almonds. Cut each circle evenly into 12 wedges. Roll up wedges, beginning at wide end.  Stretch out each end slightly to make “points” for our point ears and then curve the whole cookie into a crescent before placing on ungreased baking sheets. Sprinkle crescents lightly with sugar. Repeat with remaining dough. Bake at 350° for 20 minutes or until lightly browned. Remove from baking sheets immediately and cool on wire racks. Yield: 48 cookies.